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The Treasure in the Breaking

A few weeks ago Josh and I got to sneak away for a little vacation with just us. We only went an hour and a half away, not wanting to jump on a plane and leave the kids yet. We used it as an opportunity to just rest. To be in each other’s presence. To think, to cry, to be mad, and just take some quiet time to heal. Five minutes after we took this picture we sat at the table in the middle of the restaurant and just cried. Greif doesn't care where you are or what you're doing. It's always lurking around the corner hiding in the quiet.

I’ve had a perspective shift over the last couple of months. Last year was full of so much sadness. So much pain. So many questions. And while it still hurts every single day, I am trying to focus on the healing.

Your circumstances aren’t your fault, but the healing is your responsibility.

Time doesn’t stop for grief. You still have bills due. The kids still have school and activities they have to be at. And we still have a marriage to be intentional about. That’s been hard. Continuing to be a mom and a wife on the days you just want to sit in bed and cry. On the days you can’t even find the strength to put a sentence together without losing it. Life for us still has to continue.

Isolation has become my love language. When I feel overwhelmed, stressed out, anxious, depressed, I don’t like to talk about whatever is going on inside my head. The vulnerability makes me uncomfortable. Having been a counselor before I became a stay-at-home mom, I’ve been trained to be a good listener. That comes natural for me. The opening up part, not so much. But…

God’s desire is to take what we’ve pushed to the background and bring it to the forefront.

2 Corinthians 7-8 says, “We now have this light shinning in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but are not destroyed.” (NIV)

Sometimes the goodness of the internal is held hostage by the external circumstances we’re facing. God has to breakthrough our exterior, our flesh, our dependence on ourselves, in order to redeem us and bring out the life of Christ. This happens in the breaking.

It doesn’t take away the pain, the confusion, the questions we have. But it brings a purpose, greater than ourselves, to the forefront. It puts a purpose to the pain, and that we can thank God for. We don’t have to thank Him for the trial, we don’t have to thank Him for the pain, we don’t have to thank Him for the brokenness. But we can thank Him for the purpose that comes to light in the breaking.

We have a guaranteed result of being changed by the presence of God in our lives, but it takes trials in order for this transformation to occur. There is always a breaking before there is a breakthrough.

Our Christian walk isn’t about what Jesus does FOR us, it’s about what Jesus does IN us.

Sometimes God doesn’t make sense to us. Sometimes we can’t understand what we’re seeing play out in front of us. But if we listen hard enough, if we seek it out long enough, we will see Him use the pain for something far greater than what we can understand.

Matthew 5:3, “Blessed are the poor in spirits for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (NLT)

When God allows you to face pain, He is preparing you for a purpose. He is strengthening you for the breakthrough. He is grounding you in His word, in His truth, so that you can be successful in your suffering.

Some of the hardest pain we face in this life will turn out to be what brings forth the greatest transformation inside of us.

True ministry in Christ involves both suffering and victory. It involves a breaking that leads to a breakthrough. It involves a transformation from our human independence that leads to total dependence on Him.

We all have this treasure inside of us. Sitting inside a glass jar. Sometimes the glass has to shatter in order for the treasure to be revealed.


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Mar 21, 2023

Beautiful words kiddo! I’m so proud of you both. As the father who helped raise you through so many of those years when you didn’t share much, I’m grateful you are sharing your pain now. How you, Josh and the girls are coping is inspirational. Please keep writing!

Alexis Walker
Alexis Walker
May 08, 2023
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Thank you dad, love you!


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